Many couples understand that a strong marriage starts with putting all the cards on the table before the wedding, which is why more and more couples in recent years have turned to premarital mediation. Some claim that premarital mediation takes the love and romance out of the relationship. Many others see it the opposite way: a couple who can talk openly about money and expectations before setting out on a long journey together is building the marriage on honesty, free of hidden and sometimes unfair interests.
In this article we explain what premarital mediation is for, examine which is better, a mediation agreement handled by lawyers or by a professional mediator, look at what a financial agreement is, and weigh its advantages and disadvantages.
Premarital mediation – which is better, a lawyer or a mediator?
When each side hires a lawyer to negotiate a prenuptial agreement, the back-and-forth between the two lawyers can be unpleasant for the couple. The harder that negotiation gets, the more it tends to bruise the spouse who enters the marriage “less wealthy,” with fewer assets.
A lawyer’s job is to protect the client’s financial position. That focus is legitimate, but it means the lawyers are not thinking about how the negotiation itself affects the couple or the success of the marriage that is about to begin.
Insensitive negotiations can damage the relationship before the couple has even started living together. A partner who is hurt during premarital mediation remembers that hurt for years, and more often than not it becomes the first stop on the road to divorce.
Premarital mediation with a mediator works differently. A professional mediator brings both partners into a practical, equal dialogue, releases the pressure, and creates a sense of security on both sides. Instead of two lawyers trading demands, the mediator leads the couple into their life together out of understanding and mutual commitment.
A good mediator also guides the couple toward creative solutions, so that the partner who comes with less money can still voice his or her wishes and be heard.
The best way to mediate before marriage is to turn to a mediator who is also a lawyer: someone who can hold both ends of the rope, covering the legal side without losing the sensitivity the process requires.
Good to know: the law firm of Avital Horef, practicing family matters in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, meets both needs. Adv. Horef is both a qualified attorney and a mediator.
Premarital mediation and the financial agreement: worth it or not?
A financial agreement is a contract between spouses meant to prevent money conflicts and disputes during the marriage and in the event of separation. In most cases couples sign a financial agreement before the wedding, though in some cases they sign a financial agreement after the wedding.
A financial agreement reached through premarital mediation has advantages and disadvantages.
Here is a table summarizing the advantages and disadvantages of a financial agreement:
| Advantages
|
Disadvantages |
| A financial agreement protects the property each spouse brings into the marriage.
|
A financial agreement may strain the trust between the couple before they have even started living together. |
| A financial agreement lets the “wealthier spouse” share freely during the marriage without fear of what a separation would mean.
|
A financial agreement may lead one spouse to doubt the other’s trustworthiness and love. |
| A couple who can get through the signing of a financial agreement can probably also handle the bumps and obstacles of married life.
|
Living under the framework of a financial agreement can make each partner feel constrained and weigh on the harmony of the shared life. |
| If one spouse accumulated debts before the marriage, premarital mediation keeps those debts from flowing to the other spouse.
|
—————- |
| If the marriage ever has to be dissolved, a prenuptial agreement keeps the legal proceedings from playing out in an ugly, murky atmosphere.
|
————— |
| When one partner flatly refuses premarital mediation, the refusal itself can raise a red flag and point to outside interests.
|
——————- |
Even a first glance at the table shows that the advantages of premarital mediation outweigh the disadvantages. Every couple about to marry would do well to sit with a professional mediator, go through premarital mediation, and arrive at the wedding with a clear view of the future, both inside the marriage and outside it.
Premarital mediation: the first step toward a successful marriage
In premarital mediation, a professional mediator helps pave the way to a sound married life, and, if the marriage ever ends, keeps the conflicts of a divorce to a minimum.
