Couples heading into divorce ask: how do you choose a divorce mediator? Several criteria make the choice easier, but start with this principle: a mediator’s skill lies in resolving conflicts and disputes by building an open, constructive dialogue between the parties and leading them to a solution both sides accept. A successful mediation keeps the conflict from escalating, limits the damage to everyone involved, and preserves the relationships and ties that must survive into the future.
We believe that even when a couple has decided to end the marriage, they remain partners in raising the children, which is why it pays to work with a professional mediator who helps settle the disputes in a decent, friendly spirit.
In this article, we will learn how to choose a divorce mediator, review the criteria that matter, and understand the differences between a mediator and a lawyer.
How to choose a divorce mediator
Here are the criteria that will help you choose a mediator and close the marriage chapter with as little anger and friction as possible.
How to choose a mediator – choose one you have chemistry with
Successful divorce mediation rests on the chemistry between the mediator and the divorcing couple. That chemistry sets the tone for the entire process and creates the sense that you are working with someone you can argue with, and confide in, comfortably.
Given how charged divorce mediation is, the atmosphere has to be professional yet comfortable, with room for formal and informal sessions alike. Working with a mediator should mean open dialogue and enough ease that both spouses can share their thoughts, argue, voice opposing views, and above all trust the mediator.
How to choose a mediator – by expertise and experience
An experienced mediator raises the odds that the mediation succeeds. Divorce is a complicated, difficult process that demands understanding on several fronts at once: the emotional side, the financial side, and the side of family law itself. The more experience the mediator brings, the better he will steer you around disputes and toward agreement, sometimes by creative routes.
How to choose a mediator – by education
The law does not require a mediator to hold an academic degree or years of study; completing a sixty-hour course and receiving a mediator’s certificate is enough. But there is no comparing a mediator with minimal training to one who arrives with real background: studies in therapy, psychology or social work, a degree in conflict resolution, legal education, and the like. Tools like these serve a mediator every day. And since mediation often touches legal questions, prefer a mediator who understands the legal implications of the situation and can guide the parties accordingly.
How to choose a mediator – by availability and location
The mediator you choose should be accessible and available, someone who can meet at times that suit you and whose office is close to where you live.
How to choose a mediator – by trust
Mediation runs on trust between the mediator and the couple. How much trust the couple places in the mediator directly affects the ability to reach good solutions and keep disputes from flaring.
How to choose a mediator – additional criteria
Neutrality and impartiality:
A mediator must stay neutral and impartial throughout the process, favoring no side, so that every party feels valued and respected.
Communication and active listening:
Professional mediators excel at both. They pick up each party’s underlying concerns and feelings and keep the dialogue productive and empathetic.
Creativity and problem-solving:
A mediator needs creative problem-solving skills to explore different options and find solutions that serve the interests of everyone involved.
Cultural sensitivity:
When spouses come from different backgrounds and worlds, the mediator must be alert to cultural differences and keep the environment inclusive and clear for all participants.
Weighing a mediator against a lawyer? Here are the differences:
| Mediator
|
Lawyer | |
| Consent of the spouses | Mediation is possible only when both spouses agree to the process. | A lawyer represents only one spouse and does not need the other spouse’s consent.
|
| Representation in court | A mediator has no authority to represent you in court. | A lawyer can represent one of the spouses in court.
|
| Duration of the process | Mediation is relatively short, spread over several meetings.
|
Court proceedings can drag on for a long time. |
| Cost | The mediator’s fee is set by the number of meetings and is usually cheaper than a lawyer’s fees.
The couple pays the mediator’s fee together. |
If the disputes cannot be bridged, the court proceedings will run long and the attorney’s fees will climb accordingly.
Each spouse pays his or her own lawyer’s fees. |
The bottom line: the best mediator is often one who is also a lawyer.
A lawyer who also works as a mediator meets the criteria that matter most: knowledge, expertise, and experience. Legal knowledge and experience also let the mediator lay out each side’s legal position clearly, which is how the parties get to a divorce agreement both can live with.
