Many couples heading toward divorce prefer to go through mediation so they can part by agreement and with mutual respect. Just before they call the mediator, they ask themselves, or the mediator: how long does the mediation process take before a divorce?
Here are some numbers:
A single mediation session usually lasts about an hour and a half, sessions are held once a week, and the length of the process depends on the complexity of the relationship and the conflict between the spouses, the amount of property whose division has to be discussed, and so on. On average, a smooth mediation process runs between five and six sessions, at the end of which, if the spouses have indeed reached agreement, a divorce agreement is signed. The pause between sessions gives the spouses time to think things over, digest, consult, and make decisions.
In this article we take up the question of how long mediation takes before a divorce. We cover the ground rules of the process and look at the factors that affect its length: the circumstances of the divorce, the spouses’ readiness, and more.
How long does mediation take before a divorce? First, get to know the process
Before you begin, and even before you ask how long pre-divorce mediation takes, it is worth understanding how the process is built and what its ground rules are.
The first rule of any mediation is that the process should not leave either side feeling they merely compromised or gave in. The goal is for both spouses to be satisfied at the end, with agreements that grew out of their free will rather than coercion. When mediation ends, the spouses should feel they took the best steps available in the situation, steps that are good for them, for the other spouse, and for the children. Not for nothing do professionals describe the first stage as the stage where the spouses negotiate without conceding.
The second rule is that emotional matters cannot be split off from practical ones. People who shared a life and an intimate bond cannot simply park their emotions and talk only about logistics. Acknowledging this often lets each spouse set down the load they are carrying and come to the table from a cleaner place.
The third rule is that mediation should be informal, with as little ceremony as possible. In the sessions the spouses sit across from each other and talk frankly and openly, as people rather than litigants. A lawyer experienced in divorce law and in mediation knows how to create a comfortable, relaxed atmosphere throughout the process.
How long does mediation take before a divorce? It depends on the circumstances
The answer depends on the basic facts of the couple’s life together. The deeper the disagreement and the sharper the conflict between the spouses, the longer mediation will take. The more property they accumulated over the years, the longer the discussion of its division, and the more sessions the process will need.
How long does mediation take before a divorce? It depends on the couple’s readiness
Every couple arrives at mediation at a different level of readiness. Some come only because they feel they have no choice, carrying anger, resentment, and bitterness; others come in a decent frame of mind, aiming to close this chapter of their lives on friendly terms. Couples who arrive on friendly terms can shorten the process considerably, while couples who arrive mid-quarrel and nursing grievances will need more time.
How long does mediation take before a divorce? It depends on how well the spouses communicate
When spouses enter the process charged up and full of anger at each other, those emotions get in the way of communication and stretch the timeline. The longer it takes to establish constructive communication between the parties, the longer the process runs. The better the couple communicates, the shorter it will be.
How long does mediation take before a divorce? It depends on the complexity of the personal circumstances
When the couple has children, and the more children they have, the more property they have accumulated, and if they carry debts, the longer the process will take.
With children in the picture, the discussions and agreements around the custody schedule can consume a good part of the process, especially when there are several children with different needs, since time must be devoted to finding the right solution for each child.
The more assets, savings, and investments the couple built up during the marriage, the more time the property discussion takes, and if debts piled up over the years, working out how to repay them can stretch the process further. By contrast, for couples without children, property, or debts, mediation will be much shorter.
The bottom line: there is no single answer to how long mediation takes before a divorce
Mediation is an individual process, and no two couples move through it at the same pace. For one couple it is short; for another it is long. Its length turns on a handful of factors: the complexity of the relationship, the spouses’ readiness for the process, and practical details such as the amount of joint property, child support, the number of children, and more.
